Down the rabbit hole and into oblivion

So things have just been weird lately. I'm actually almost too tired to write. That, and my "a" key is broken...so that's been a nuisance.

I kind of feel like i'm slipping further and further away from sanity. I took one thing away that was hindering me from progressing and that was facebook. It just came to my attention that a lot of the people who i thought were close, werent' really. To be honest, I have more than enough close friends...and since i'm embarking on a new chapter in my life, I don't feel like everyone should have the privilege of knowing what's going on with me anyway.


I gave up trying to reach out to the one guy i knew. It's just a lost cause. I did thank him for a glimmer of hope though. It's really just not worth the time and energy it took to put myself in a vunerable state to deal with him.


Last night was an eye opener. I realize that I can barely tolerate my family. I love them, but...it's very difficult being here. I feel in some ways like I've reverted back to this small child, keeping silent and holding everything in. Definitely not healthy. I started back at the gym and have had some considerable weight loss...so that is the only thing that is keeping me going. Work sucks...i work with one guy who's a complete tool. Everyone else is cool, but i just don't like how these small town folks look at me sometimes.

It's hard to fight against the social norm here...when you're a minority among minorities. (does anyone get that?) Is it weird that I think that I'll find more commonality with people overseas ?

I don't think so. I've felt like a stranger in a strange land for as long as I can remember here in the US.

I still have my goals though. I'm going to keep going with this even if it kills me.