Well,
I haven't written after my last post intentionally. There was a lot of thought put into trying to figure out this predestined future I had made up for myself, only to ultimately find that I was trying to convince myself that my hearts desires would never come to pass.
I gave up, plain and simple. It was easier to say yes to "fate" and no to the fact that God really does want the best for me and that he's not some manevolent being sitting up on a throne gleefully rubbing his hands together as I groan over different tribulations.
That's not who God is at all. What a freaking idiot I was. When things seem stagnant - and I'm talking about in any relationship, you need to shake it up a bit. There are different things I can do to improve my relationship with God. Heck, there are different things I can do to improve my quality of life. Working out just isn't one of them; i need to get to root of the problem - my way of thinking.
As I'm sitting here at this coffee shop contemplating what the next course of action will be, I have taken a moment to appreciate this time of singledness. The sky is the limit! I can do whatever I want to do...and I have no obligations. I am blessed with the most wonderful friends on this planet! I am so loved. Tomorrow I turn 27, and I realized that a lifetime of what I've spent searching for, genuine honesty and loyalty from people who see me from the inside...I have it here in Kansas City.
That's what makes the decision that I had to make this past weekend...the hardest I've ever had to make...
